We all love our kids and want what’s best for them. That holds true for any child–even a child that struggles daily with the burden of mental illness. When your child is coping with anxiety, depression, panic attacks or any mental illness it’s heart breaking and daunting at the same time. You juggle in each situation whether to shelter them, or exercise some tough love. But is that all there is? Am I helping my anxious child the best way possible?
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I speak from experience
Having walked through the valley of a dark season with a child who struggled with pretty debilitating anxiety and depression coupled with panic attacks, I learned a lot from my successes and my failures as a parent. Looking back, I would have done some things differently to bring strength and healing for my child as well as peace and sanity for myself and my family. This is not an exhastive list, and it’s not in any particular order of priority, but it’s shared from my mama’s heart.
Identifying anxious triggers
Many conversations were had between me and my child to try to identify triggers that would produce the tailspin. Often times, he couldn’t really identify exactly what made him start to panic or have anxiety wash over him. This was frustrating for both of us, but what I learned from it is that sometimes, those things really can’t be identified. So, I kept notes when anxious events would happen and tried to back track to see if I could see a pattern. What I found was that crowded situations, rooms full of people and a lot of noise, hearing about someone who had the flu or being with someone who wasn’t feeling well were triggers. There were others, but basically, I understood what made my child anxious.
Find coping tools that work for anxiety
When anxiety and panic set in, we had to be ready with tools to shut it down. If you haven’t already, find a counselor that connects well with your child. One that your child relates to and has a feeling of safety. It took a little time, but we found one in particular that had some very hands-on suggestions that made a big difference. Just a couple were putting a rubber band on the wrist and snapping it when panic started setting in. Or counting backwards from 300 by 3’s. A great counselor can be so beneficial for your child and encouraging for you and the rest of the family.
Modify your lifestyle
When I thought about, “Am I helping my anxious child the best way possible?,” I had to take a step back sometimes and see if there were things we could do differently or do without. Sometimes a reevaluation was in order. There were things where we drew a line in the sand and said, “this is important, and we’re going to work through the anxiety in this situaiton.” There were others that we said, we’re going to let this go and not push it right now. Going to church on Sunday was important. So, even though it was tough, we went anyway. Sometimes we were out in the hallway, but we were there. Which leads me to an important point. . . Don’t worry about what others think.
People don’t understand the anxious person
Not everyone knows what your child is experiencing, and even if they knew, they might not agree with how you’re handling it. Don’t let what other people think hold you back from going somewhere or not going somewhere. There are times when you want or need support from friends, but there are also times and places where it’s just really tough and you need to pull in your wings and be one on one with your child to work on it. That’s okay! Pray, and trust what the Lord tells you. He sees and knows all, and has a perfect plan for your child.
Give a LOT of praise and encouragement
Kids with anxiety and depression tend to struggle with their self esteem. They tend to be hard on themselves. Find ways to praise them in the baby steps, even if it’s the tiniest of steps. What they’re dealing with on the inside is so huge. Your support means the world to them, and may be just the thing that keeps them going. This was also critical for my other children. Living with a sibling that struggles can consume everyone. Focus on the positive with each of them and be patient, giving a lot of reassurance of your love.
Rule out and treat any physical conditions
We spent years using just counseling and medication to treat anxiety, but there were a couple underlying physical causes contributing to the problem that took a while to get figured out. That’s one thing I wish I could go back and change. Earlier on, we would have researched more paths of possible causes. Upon seeing a Neurological Optometrist, we discovered a disconnect that was happening between eyesight and the brain. Even though my child had been to our optometrist and had 20/20 vision, there was a neurological component that was discovered. After having some special glasses with prisms and a tinted lense, he was able to read so much better and his eyes and central nervous system were communicating with his brain and relaxing. Kinda strange and not something I’d ever considered. So, do some research and consider what the cause might be, instead of only treating symptoms.
Pray, take care of yourself and tap into resources
Take time to pray daily with your child(ren), and ask God to provide all that you need to thrive today. Read and study scripture for encouragement and journal if you’re able. God’s Word is alive and He will speak to you directly with what you need at that very moment. Because of my past experience with anxiety, I wrote Inspired, Peace in the Garden. A 30-day coloring devotional focusing on peace in the scriptures. It’s really a 30-day journey to a more peaceful heart.
Staying close to the Lord and your support network in your community is critical. Dealing with anxiety on a daily basis is not for the faint of heart. The impact is far-reaching to your other children, husband, grandparents, friends, etc. Take time away for you alone, one on one with other children in your family, dates with your husband, and friends whose company encourages you and feeds you. Being a caregiver is a huge blessing, but can also be draining, so don’t neglect yourself or others.
Get some great resources
There are some great books out there and support groups. Tap into these resources to find help for you and your child. This book, The Anxiety Cure, was particularly helpful for us:
I’ve also included a free resource that you can download and print out–“Menu for a Peaceful Heart“. Just click below.
Praying is important!
I’m going to mention prayer again because it’s so vital. I wrote another post giving you ten prayers, along with scripture to pray for your child (little or big:) on a daily basis. There are ten free printable prayer cards to slip in your pocket and prompt you to pray or share with a group of prayer partners. Click here to read that post too.
The season that you’re in is stressful, and it’s easy to let worriesome thoughts consume you. But, take heart. God has a perfect plan for you and your child. That plan is not to harm you but to prosper you. Your child will grow up and he/she may always have a struggle with anxiety. But the support and tools that you’re giving him/her now, will be used by them even as adults. When they’re older, they’re more able to identify what’s going on, and use those tools to have a healthier mindset. God bless you 🙂
Sally
Numbers 6:24-26 “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”
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This post is so encouraging! You show us the power of love and pointing us to the source of all love, our
Lord and Savior Jesus. Your love kept you seeking direction and doing the hard work of researching
and watching and working with your son. It is a reminder there is always hope. Thank you for sharing
such a personal journey with us!
Thank you Judy! It is a journey with the Lord, isn’t it? When things get tough, the last thing we should do is give up or fall into despair. The Lord wants us to continue seeking and trusting. I learned so much through this process, that I hope it helps others:)